Ruminating…

I think this post is going to be more ruminative than the norm-I have a few minutes, and I usually don’t get much free time. Even though I should use this time to pay bills… No matter. Do bills at home after gamelan. OK. I get so fatigued at night. And my back kills me in bed. I wonder what’s up? Is this just middle age? Probably. I’m also getting Meniere’s, and the person at Sellwood Clinic thinks so too. So I have an appointment. My car is also needing repair, but I don’t really have the cash. I’m glad I have a job, though, when a lot of other people I know don’t. And a lot of other people around the country don’t either. I think this what’s fueling all the anger. That and a sense of powerlessness. The problem is that the pundits are very skillfully directing their anger away from the real culprits. Anyways.
I’ve been reading a ton of Steiner lo this past year, and I think I’m to the point to where I can usefully set up things. Now to do it-a little more research to go, though. I’m trying to get a grant-hopefully I’ll make it to round two. This stuff is super useful, and I’m hoping I can work in some of the other useful stuff in without stepping on any toes. We need this, especially now, and the necessity of the 3-fold social order is clear too. That may be a more difficult road. Social change of the necessary magnitude is colossally difficult, but maybe starting small and coming up with a good plan is a good first step. I need to think on this more.
The fast few days have found me feeling down about things, but I think it’s because of all the reading and events rather than an internal thing, other than the usual cash woes. If I can work this program and start back on the exercise that will help some. I don’t think gamelan is helping either-it’s just so intense and so draining. Though I’ve been able to keep the house clean, which is an accomplishment in and of itself…