Year: 1997

Whew, it’s the end of the month, the end of the year. Where did it go? Why am I still here? Who knows, who cares, why bother… My non-attachment increases. At least I’m not giving away all my stuff… Next.

What’s happened since the last??? Lessee. The journal sez: made CD’s for Jabbz, destroyed my Mac & hadda start from scratch (I made a CD when I got it back and wiped it clean-a good thang to do occasionally…), went to New Mexico on work-missed 2 flights!, Xmas parties-Erika’s work & Jabbz, found a kitten outside, Christmas with both sets of parents (not at the same time), some kiteflying, and the usual-work, sleep, laze, driving, Erika…

What else—not much. It’s nice to have a girlfriend-even though it’s sometimes a bit nuts-we’re friends too, which makes it OK…I finally got a check from ACLU-waiting on 2 others-I need $$$ bad… We’re going to Vega$ for New Year’s…

Again, time is flyin’. A month has gone away-and it’s almost the end of the year! Oh, whell. At least I have a girlfriend, so the time passes a bit better.

What’s happened the past month? My PC crashed after trying to install Riven, my notebook crashed twice. Busy working at Fabco, not getting much done. Erika’s birthday was the 4th-we went out. Saw Susan Simpson-wish Erika had met her… Saw an interesting dance piece. Saw a taping of “Dharma & Greg”. Caught the flu. Saw Stereolab. Had Thanksgiving dinner with my parents & Erika. That’s about it.

What a crazy life-I’m really wrapped up in Erika & she in me. What a change from even two months ago. My cashflow sucks-waiting on checks-again. Whatever-I’m really not attached to any of it. We’ll see what happens…

Phew, what an eventful 2 weeks!!! I’ve met a nice woman-we’re fast friends and lovers-and I’ve only known her a week! Wow-after all I’ve written and thought about love and relationships over the past year or so-since Marybelle, actually. Hey, what can I say-things always change.

Event summary-the usual-lotsa work to get PII done on time, ACLU a few times-no Susan-oh whell. I’m going out only on weekends-except for Gamelan. Saw Philip Glass’ “Les Enfants Terribles”-a dance/opera. Went out for Halloween dressed as a Balinese monkey-fun… Went to the Foothill the next night-lotsa people dressed up as well…

And then there’s the girl-her name’s Erika-I met her at the bar Diane works at a week ago Friday. We went out Halloween and saw X-Files last night. We’ve also had some short visits and meals. It’s amazing-I’m totally infatuated with her-what’s up with THAT? In some ways, we’re going way too fast-we’ve talked a few times in some depth, but we hardly know each other, maybe slowing down is the right thing to do-maybe we should just get married and get it over with…tm…Whatever. In anycase, it’s a great feeling-the l-word keeps making appearances…As do other things It’s nice to have someone to think about-who I know returns my affections-not like the ones before. Diane is SO happy for me-now we need to find her someone…

And now October isalmost half done-oh, where does that time go? Nowhere, fast…

Factual rundown-the usual, went to Que Sera for Sat Lounge-that & Fennel & Hops-dancing-Peggy, Diane. Saw Porcelain Mary at Coconut Teaszer. Made up a buncha cassettes into CD’s. Saw “Intimate Immensity” by Morton Subotnick-modernist multimedia stuff-Wenten was dancing & I chatted with him after the show. Gamelan started-I’m playing chalung until things settle down, Westwood Brewery after-Tom Moser is back, there’s one nice young female (with a boyfriend-not that it matters)… Worked at ACLU Fri & Sun (no Susan :-(, saw Mention Fri., chatted w/Adi-him & Diane are over-I hate to say yay, but, YAY!!! Vietnamese Water Puppets Sat., saw Diane at work, party at Joe Negro’s that got shut down by the police. Exciting, no?

Anyways, that’s what’s happened. Time is time-I’m not sure if the fact that it passes so quickly is good or bad-maybe just neutral. I sleep SO much, that might have something to do with it. I hope Diane & I get together soon-she’s at school, but she’s the closest thing I have to a real friend, so I want to see her more-at least I got her computer working so we can exchange email…

Here it is, September is gone…I’m still here. I just got mail from somebody who read my essays-killer! I finally got the check from NABT, and promptly spent most of it on bills. Oh, whell. Next.

Here’s the rundown since last time-the gang went to Sunset beach-flew my kite, swam some. Took a bunch of photos of the light in my room and at the loft-some of ’em are good-we might use them for Sidecar. Saw the DeLaHoya fight, Porcelain Mary. More Sidecar tracking. Some thoughts about who I really am-a dreamer, planner and theorist. A slogan-“no need to breed”. Went to that hot club-bass player for Jane’s-another room-hip, hip, hip-SUSAN SIMPSON was there!!!!! Yay-I love her SO MUCH-wish she was available… Visited the ‘rents-the usual. Worked on Diane’s computer-partially fixed & I delivered it to her. Went to ACLU to help Glen out-no Susan-maybe next week-I have to go back. And the usual sleep, laze, TV, work, party-late nights.

I can’t think of anything relevant to say-I’m not sure what’s up and I think: whatever. It bugs me sometimes, and I have so many financial and work worries that it’s messing my body up. Again: whatever-I really don’t care what happens anymore-I’m losing my attachments… It’s OK, but troubling at the same time-I’m not really ready to be a sannyasin. I’m looking forward to gamelan…

Lessee-mid Sept almost. I am SO stressing for $$$-motherfuckers @ NABT haven’t sent the check-I am SO sick of their bullshit. I NEED that money. Actually, I need to win the lottery, get a rich wife, MKM, or a huge grant from Bill Gates… Yeah, right-as if ANY of that will happen.

So what’s up with me? The usual, home, work, laze, eat, sleep, TV, loft, etc. As far as news goes-the gang from the loft & some others went to S.F. over Labor day weekend-I drove up with Audra & some guy she knew. The guys flew up in a private plane. We stayed at her place there-in the Mission district. Everyone else stayed in Twin Peaks. We had lotsa fun-2 parties, lotsa food, a band, walking around, etc. We moved Audra out-drama… Played golf with my Dad Sunday-I did OK. Drama with Sherrie and Diana. Saw Ultrathin & Killingtons Saturday-hot-at this new place-no A/C, few fans. Fun, though. Adi wants to do an opera, we stayed up l8 Monday talking & working on it. That’s it! Bye.

Well, August’s almost done-(sigh) I am depressed. Oh well… It may just be that I’m lonely… I dunno-and I really don’t have anyone to talk to-chicken/egg & Catch 22 rolled into one-I need to make some sort of effort-I want to, but it’s SO difficult and I’m so tired. I think about four women right now, and a cloud of others and all the ones I’ve ever thought about weigh on me. Also all the other stuff in my life…Enough venting.

The past two weeks-saw that SF band-ran some errands then went to Smalls-killer drinks-one girl sat on my lap-but not the one I wanted. Audra DID call me the next day, but I had left for Baraka already. TOO BAD!!! It would’ve been nice to go with her. Baraka was nice, but the print was broken several times. Went to Foothill to appease some girl, & left Audra at the Loft. I should’ve stayed with her…we sat up later & listened to a kOOl new tune. Went to see Chris’ band-another late night-nice chat with Crystal. Got an Audiomedia II card & am starting to get into burning CD’s-changed my office around-Ken & Wolf were into burn some CD’s-watched Baraka. Went to a farewell party at the Blue-drank too much-chatted with Diane-mmmmm. Went to Satellite Lounge-Peggy was there! She remembered me! She’s dating Doug again (sigh) I’ll never find anyone…(sigh, sigh, sigh) And, as usual, laze, sleep, work, TV, eat, Loft, party, lotsa thoughts…I was rereading my old journals last night…Kinda fun.

Must work now.

Here we go again, another installment in my fascinating life. Yeah, right. Whatta joke…So, what’s been happening-the usual laze, eat, sleep, work, party. I’ve got fleas in the place-from the ‘rents’ dog-they jump on my leg & I kill them… Lotsa thoughts-I’m going over old ground & breaking a bit of new… I have a new friend/crush-I really, Really, REALLY hope this one works out…I NEED IT BAD. Oh, well. Started riding and working out again, sort of… Played with Ken, Wolf & Audra late one night last week-lotsa fun. Had a chat with Sherrie about how my life is changing. Worked on my house some. Went to see Wolf’s band Sat.-got there late. Drove down to San Diego to see Audra’s friend’s band play-late nights all last week (6am, 4 am, 3 am, 5 am, 5 am, 4 am) whew! Not much else-going to see that band again…One guess why…

Another month, another Monday. Getting the Delphi project finished. Heard from John Lake-wants me for another TP maintenance gig. Got to the final group on a Pw gig-they went inhouse. Had lunch w/Jim Dunlop-’nuff said… FINALLY got the NABT check cleared-now it’s time for the next one…More hassles, I expect.

So the past two weeks have been: the usual work, eat, sleep, party. Finally cleaned my apt., went to Que Sera-the usual dancing & people (Mary & another who was at Jabbz last night.) Dinner with parents for birthday-the usual. Went with Glen for sushi (total indulgence on my part) on my birthday. Went to Luna Park w/Ken, Matt, Jessie and Julianne-Jason Bentley was spinning-it was LOUD-danced a lot. Saw Chris Martin’s new band-sounded OK-stayed there L8, lotsa chat. Helped Gina out w/her laptop yesterday-she bought me dinner. L8 @ Jabbz, the usual. Lotsa thinking is going on right now-pages of it. I’ll write it up soon (yeah, right, and I’ll also start working out again…) Lates- Jabbz’s Mac is fixed, I bought an Audiomedia card & the guys are pumped to burn CD’s. Got shopping to do now that I have $$$

Well, I’m as busy as I get-working on this Delphi project-already spent too much time… Haven’t been flying-no motivation. STILL waiting on a check from NABT-I’m starting to sweat….

The last week-worked on Diane’s PC-driver problems, saw Mickey play, lotsa chat @ Jabbz, saw Men in Black w/Diane, Geraldine Fibbers @ Foothill, and the usual work, eat, sleep, party. Some good thoughts and realizations-I’m still fiddling while Rome burns…